loz’s blog

Laura and I received a letter through the post today from HM Revenue and Customs. They’re apologising for the loss of our data on this CD which has disappeared. It’s a pain in the backside and could lead to our identities being stolen. These things happen however and we’re very good at monitoring our bank account.

We are however wondering when our apology from Royal Mail is going to arrive. It’s them who lost it really any way. Perhaps I can help by outlining a suggested letter for them to copy and paste:

Dear X,

We’re writing to apologise for an incident that we’re really responsible for. The loss of all your data from the government family allowance database.

You see, someone posted the information and simple expected us to do our part of the bargain. This should have been how it works, but unfortunately the stamp which is supposed to be a contract of sorts does not guarantee delivery.

We can’t possibly run a business where we promise that we’ll take what you want from A to B. Who could,… well apart from say Parcel Force, TNT, ANC, UPS, and even our selves if you pay us for Special Delivery (please read “Actual” where Special appears in the title).

I would like to say this won’t happen again, but unfortunately we have ancient sorting systems which we can’t possibly upgrade because all our postal staff will strike again in protest that modernisation will loose them jobs. Our only option is to basically get more inept at “mailing” items from A to B, so that ultimately another company will take the place of the Royal Mail, perhaps “Virgin Mail”, and then all our staff will be unemployed, it’s how they want it to be.

My Sincere aplogies and regrets

Postmaster General

There you go Royal mail, send that out to all us people who are going to get defrauded because of your inability to do your job. Of course when you do post it out be sure to use “Special Delivery” or perhaps via Business Post or a more reliable carrier, that way we’ll definitely get to read your lovely apology.